Okay.  Despite any reports or evidence to the contrary, I am alive.  This is a definite certainty.

Everything else… well…

Chemo is nasty.  I mean I can understand why so many people would like to delude themselves into thinking that there is a better (easier) way to fight cancer, with kale smoothies and crystals and aromatherapy.  I'll have a much longer Ranty-McRant post on this garbage later…

But basically there isn't a lot of choice on this one.  Chemo is like- “Come with me, if you want to live” And, uh … I do.  So super chemo fun times.  

In order for the cancer cells in my boob and armpit to die a lot, some normal cells, in basically every part of my body, have to die a little.  This isn't really that tragic, I mean all cells die, that’s what they do.  There are tons of cells in your body dying right now (just probably not as many as in mine)

But let me just say… and take the kids out of the room.  Chemo fucking sucks.  It is the worst thing I have ever had to do. Cancer fucking sucks. My friends, if there is anything you can do to increase your odds of NOT having to do this, please do.  Please, please, please, stop smoking.  Please stop eating horribly or drinking heavily. Reduce stress… get some exercise… floss.  Of course, I wasn't overweight, I didn't smoke, or drink (heavily) or have any of the other risk factors and this happened to me anyway, but that is beside my point.  If there are things that are within your control, please take control. Because, I probably love you and don't want you to have to do this.

In happier news, there are 5 embryos awaiting our cancer “journey” to be over and become little DeGarmo-Bodensteiners… BodenGarmos…DeBodensteins… GarSteinmos… This is going to be tricky…

Before this post comes to a close, I'd just like to take a second to acknowledge how amazing Jarrod is, for those of you that don't already know.  And, I can do this without embarrassing him, because he isn't reading these.  He’s letting me have this blog thing  as a private catharsis of sorts …open to the whole internet…Umm, anyway,  I really don't know how I would be doing this without him.  He is, by far, the most caring, patient, selfless person I know, and I feel so fortunate to be loved by him.  Okay, just wanted all of you to experience a touch of nausea too, so we can feel closer.

<3

The countdown to Chemo begins… T-minus 2 days.

Ho. Ly. Shit.

Today, I did it.  I finally sucked it up and cut off all my hair, well most of it…

I was looking into using a cold cap during chemo to minimize hair-loss, but it appears it would cost over a thousand dollars and would probably give me major serious headaches, because that’s what I need in addition to the nausea of chemo.

So I guess bald it is…

Well a little bob, then a pixie, then a mohawk, then bald…  I was always a put-a-toe-in-first-to-test-the-water kind of kid…

I met with my nutritionist today.  Well, actually, I went in for the cancer nutrition class, but I was the only one that showed up, so I got a private consult instead.  She said, as long as I control the portion size, I could continue to drink alcohol and eat dessert with frequency … I like her…

Everyone with the Cancer Center seems super nice, even when I flipped my shit at the medical assistant that called to schedule me for my chemo.

“So we have you down for Friday August 7^th at 8:45--“

“I’m sorry.  It’s supposed to be Thursday the 6^th.”

“Well, looks like we’re all full up on Thursday.  We can do Friday at 8:45, one day won’t really make a difference”

“Seriously!?!?  It won’t make a difference, except I’ve been planning my whole freaking life around starting chemo on Thursday Aug 6^th!!   AAHHHWWWHHHAARRRRRAAAAAHAHA!!!!”  *head explodes, spontaneous violent sobbing*

“ummm…hang on a second…*hold music*… okay yeah, we can do Thursday at 8:45”

Okay maybe it wasn’t that bad, but it was close.

I found out that my chemo will last up to 6 hours, I can have two guests at a time, and there will be Cheez-its and juice.  It sounds like a party… I may never leave…

I was thinking about doing a “live-tweet” style blogging from chemo, but quickly realized it would mostly be. 

 “Still sitting in the chair... It reclines… That’s nice… They have free Wi-Fi...” 

I feel like I have been prepping for this forever, and now that it’s almost here and I still feel like I have way way way too much stuff left to do.  But, just like an opening night, it’s coming, ready or not, and when it’s all done, we will have cake and champagne.

Thank You friends, I love you all.